I said your name today, accidentally, instead of saying Lucas, and I cried. That’s happening a lot lately, but that’s ok. See, that means you are always on my mind. Perhaps it’s the stress lately, the lack of sleep, or the upcoming events in your memory. Whatever it is, one of the events is coming to an end. 4 years. Your number was 4. You left us on the 4^th. What started with a game in which Jose Bautista, your favorite player, played, will end with one as well. I think it feels right.

On June 19, 2012, you got to see your favorite player in action. You put on your Jose Bautista “shirsey” which you FINALLY got for Christmas. You strategically brought a Brewers jersey with you to wear over the top of it so you could cheer for both teams. We showed up early, just like we always did, for BP. We ran down to our seats in section 107 to start getting foul balls, or try to get a player to give you a ball. That’s when it happened. A ball rolled out to the right field grass and there he was, Jose Bautista. Jose picked up the ball, looked over at you and walked over to the stands. He kindly handed you the ball. You were on cloud 9. Your favorite player gave you the ball. Cloud 9. I don’t think you every came down off that high.

When the Brewers were up, you had your Brewers jersey on. But when Jose was up, you proudly bared your Bautista shirsey. In the top of the 6^th, Jose went yard and you were screaming you were so happy. People around us gave you the stare, but you didn’t care. And then again in the 9^th, with the Brewers winning, he went yard again, this time the game winner and you were cheering very loudly. What a day for you.

On August 4^th, 2013, you left us. God took you home. On August 9^th, we buried you in that Bautista shirsey, with the ball that Jose gave you there with you. Your prized possession and your favorite shirt. We left the cemetery and I pulled my phone out of my pocket only to see 100+ messages. Some young students in Fennimore had started a “Game For Derek” twitter request to Jose Bautista, he obliged and dedicated the game to you. It was a bad game for the Blue Jays, as they gave up a bunch of runs, but our living room was full of people, sitting on pins and needles for every Jose Bautista at-bat. In his 2^nd at bat, Jose rips a deep double off the wall in LF. So close to a homerun. We thought it might happen. In his 3^rd at bat a DEEP drive to left, caught. We are all doing the math. He might only have one at bat left. And then it came. With most of the people congregating outside and talking, he stepped to the plate. We quickly called everyone in. Pat Neshek was on the mound, a nephew of a man with Fennimore ties. On a 2-1 pitch, Jose took him yard, and not a cheap one either. A 417’ shot off the decking of the 3^rd deck. You’d want to know how far it went. You were a numbers kid. We were screaming and crying. It was so amazing. But wait, the Blue Jays were scoring runs. He might get another at bat. In the 9^th he bats again and rips a drive off the wall, AGAIN, just missing another homerun. What an amazing night. What you probably already knew, was that Jose wrote RIP on one side of his hat, and #Derek on the other. We would meet in Minneapolis in September, hug, and cry, and he gave you that hat.

That was the start of our Acts of Kindness campaign. We realized we had to keep paying it forward. So we decided to have an annual “Derek’s Day At The Ballpark.” And wouldn’t you know, the Blue Jays were coming back to town in 2014, a game I am SURE we would have been going to, if not the entire series. Why not have our first ever Derek’s Day be at that game, and share it with Jose? You would have wanted it that way. You couldn’t draw a better script. 475 people came with us that day. We gave away over $2,000 in gift certificates that day along with other memorabilia. The Brewers helped out. I got to throw out the first pitch (and so did Grandpa, amazingly). I pointed to you, and fired in a strike. Some amazing things happened that day. Every inning Jose came out to right field he threw a brand new signed baseball into the crowd, in our section. Every inning. And then in the 6^th he launched a bomb. It was great. But probably the most amazing thing happened in the 9^th inning. The bat boy from the Blue Jays came trotting out to the right field corner and presented us with the bat he hit the homerun with and he wrote a message to you on it. “To Derek, I will always remember you as my #1 FAN. Thanks for all the help with the homeruns. Jose Bautista 19.” We all cried. It was amazing.

Three years have passed since our first Derek’s Day At The Ballpark. We have had over 1000 people join us, and we have done HUNDREDS of Acts of Kindness. Bill Schroeder, Brian Anderson and Jeff Levering have talked about our group, and given your amazing spirit credit for these wonderful Acts that have been done. I even re-proposed to your mom at last year’s event. But it is all coming to an end this year. One final day at the park. Sure we have one in August so that more kids can come, but this is the one with the most meaning.

Today we head to Miller Park with 110 people, and how fitting, we get to watch your favorite player in action one last time. But we are doing something a little more special this year. Instead of handing out hundreds of Acts of Kindness at the park, we teamed up with the Stars and Stripes Honor Flight to send veterans to the war memorials in Washington DC. For every extra base hit the Brewers have this year, we will donate $5 to the group and for every homerun Jose hits this year, we will donate $25. But wait, there is more. Today’s game has even more meaning. We have invited the Stars and Stripes Honor Flight reps to join us. If Jose gets a hit today, we will donate $100. If he hits a homerun (we hope he does), we will automatically send a veteran to DC. These flights cost a little over $500, and so far we have donated $990. Yes, the Brewers lead the majors in extra base hits. It’s actually kind of crazy.

So today I will be thinking of you, as we head to the game, and how much fun you would be having. I know we would have taken you out of school, and we would have gotten to the game bright and early for batting practice. You’d be bigger now, so you’d probably have the full jersey today. You wouldn’t even bother putting the Brewers one over top. You’d wear it with pride. So today I will honor you again. We are wearing tie-dye red today, and in August we’ll wear rainbow tie-dye. You’d love the colors. I miss you buddy. Everyone does. Make some magic happen today. See you at the game.

It has been a long time since I posted anything in the blog, and I suppose it is for good reason. It has been a while since I felt like sharing what is going on in our family. We continue to struggle daily as Brandee and I watch our children grow older without their brother there to help get them through the rough times. We remain strong for eachother, as that is what helps pull us through.

In 2 weeks we will be “celebrating” Derek’s 2-year Angelversary. It’s a sad celebration for us down here, but I know that up there he is happy. We get visits once in a while, signs that he is still among us. We have strange happenings in the house that we can’t explain, from strange noises, to objects not where they should have been at times. We catch glimpses of his glory and of the things he does up there, by all of the wonderful and kind Acts people continue to do in his name.

Next week starts the busiest month in our lives since Derek’s passing. We have 8 ex-MLB players that will be coming to Fennimore, to share a wonderful gift in Derek’s name, to the people of the area. I can recall as a child the Packers coming to play a basketball game, but that was a couple hours of exposure. These guys are coming for 3 days and we will be trying to show them how wonderful our community is as well. For a couple of these guys that are coming, the story of Derek will be new. We will get to share his spirit with them, and show them how his love and kindness has spread to so many. My hopes are that when the 3 days are done, that there are no complaints, the weather was great, and that everyone had a wonderful time. 2 men are responsible for making this happen: Mike Keith and Rob Deer.

As soon as this camp is done, we start 3 days of the Derek Lendosky Memorial Tournament. Mike Hunt and the Baseball Boosters were kind enough to rename the tournament last year as they offer scholarships now in his name with some of the proceeds from this tourney. This was the last tournament that Derek ever played in. He loved baseball. Lived it. Breathed it. On August 6th we will have the second annual Derek’s Day At The Ballpark where we will be joined by 370 people from this community and beyond, to celebrate his life once again and spread joy with Acts of Kindness at the park. It is a wonderful event surrounded by wonderful people. This year we will actually get to enjoy it. And finally, on Saturday the 8th, is the LutheRun 4 Derek. It’s quite the packed 2 weeks of activities celebrating his life and what people have done in his honor since.

We are no different than any other family who has suffered loss. I think what we have done is just try to honor the life that he had here on earth, and if in the process we help someone else along the way, then we know we have done good by Derek. Derek was a loving and caring child, and the things that he has done since he has left us are amazing. We miss him more every day, but know that one day we will be joined together. And until that day, we will continue to celebrate his kind and loving spirit here.

On this Christmas Eve, I look back at how our family has faired, and I see good times and bad. As a family, we struggle daily with the pain of losing our oldest son, and we watch our children struggle to get through some days as well. But they are strong kids and they will persevere as both kids have a strong faith and know that Derek is watching down over them. Then I look at my beautiful and strong wife, and see how hard she struggles to hold us ALL together, as she is the true glue in our family. But every day is a struggle and if it wasn’t for our wonderful friends and family, and those that continue to do such wonderful things in Derek’s name, I don’t know how we’d make it through. I know that our therapist Jen has done so much for us (yes I am thanking our therapist), that we owe everything to her abilities to help us heal.

My Christmas wish this year is to continue to send prayers to those in need, with yet another tragedy hitting our extended family with the loss of another child. Pray for those who still deal with their own pains and sufferings from their own losses. Please continue to pay it forward, to give unselfishly to those who need it more than we do. But most of all, hug and hold your kids and tell them how much you love them. Make them know that they are loved.

So this Christmas, please stay safe and enjoy family and friends. Remember that there are many out there that will struggle this Christmas, and it is not a joyous time. If you see one of those people, try to brighten their day. From the Lendosky’s, we wish you all a Merry Christmas! God bless you all.

 

I have realized, through reading other blogger’s posts, that I am a horrible blogger, and that is ok. I write on here as time permits, and I write my feelings. No one can tell me I am wrong in how I feel, because I am me, and I grieve differently than others. I would love to write more, but the words just don’t ever come out the way they are intended.

Gun deer season approaches tomorrow morning, and it is also accompanying the departure of my wife and kids to visit my mother-in-law in Alabama. They will be travelling, leaving me alone for another season, to sit in a stand with my thoughts, all alone. In the past, this was a place of comfort, a place where I could sit and think and just feel nature around me. Now, from my stand, I can see the tree responsible for the walnuts that ultimately led to our horrible tragedy. Tomorrow will be another hard day in my life, as I again sit alone with my thoughts.

The only comfort I have is that I know where my son is, and at times I can feel his spirit around me, filling me with warmth and comforting my broken heart and soul. This would have been Derek’s 2nd hunt, and will be Lucas’ first when he comes back. I can sit back and imagine what it would be like tomorrow morning, as the 3 of us sit in a blind, perhaps one of them tagging along with Grandpa Dennis. But I can only imagine the excitement, as I myself once felt at that age, not knowing if I was asleep or awake the night before, imagining bagging the trophy whitetail.

I guess that is where my center will be tomorrow. I will imagine what Derek would be like on opening morning. I will imagine what would be going through his mind as the sun rose in the East, filling our farm with a crisp orange hue, causing the frost tipped leaves to slowly drip water, the sun sparkling on each and every bead. That is what I will think of tomorrow as I sit there (probably getting rained on). What would Derek be thinking right now? Perhaps when Lucas gets back next week, we can share that together as he looks to harvest his first deer.

But until then, I will sit with my thoughts, out in the deer stand, reminding myself that Derek’s spirit will be with me the entire way. Derek would want me to enjoy the hunt. He’d be counting the number of animals we saw, the time when the first shot was fired, right down to the number of crows circling overhead. It’s important to stay positive, to enjoy the moment. The family is only a phone call away. Until next time…

Steve

I apologize for the great length of time that has passed since the last blog entry. I originally wanted this to be something I touched every month to give updates and discuss feelings, but as you know, lives can get busy. But I want to talk about an event that will now be an annual event for our family and our “community.”

On August 20th, we had a “Derek’s Day At The Ballpark” at Miller Park. Last year, after Derek died and the Acts of Kindness was getting started, my family decided to share the Acts with fans at Miller Park, despite the Cardinals being in town (inside joke). We gave $1,000 and the Milwaukee Brewers matched us. We broke that in to 20-$100 gift certificates to be used at the park in which the Milwaukee Brewers’ players (Lucroy, Thornburg, Gomez, Ramirez and Scooter) gave out 5 of them to families in the parking lot and our family gave away the other 15. It was wonderful giving. This year we decided to do it again and we had a group of 475 people at the park this time. Again our family gave $1,000 and the Brewers this time gave us 12 signed baseballs and then we added 6 more. The response was amazing. We looked for volunteers from our “community” to help us with the delivery in the park, and if you look at the “Your Acts” page here, you will see all of the happy people. This is when things go right. We shared Derek’s spirit all over the park. We spread the message of Paying It Forward, and the DoIt4Derek message to people from all over the Midwest. So thank you to all that helped us with this project.

That leads us to “When Things Go Right.” Things went right that day, August 20th. People got to see the generosity of a major league ballplayer, one who Derek adored. We got to see him continuing the kind Acts to our group and then to our family. We received some amazing gifts from our friends that day and also from Jose. We can not thank everyone enough for the kindness they shared that day. Thank you. We will continue to spread Derek’s message as much as we can and as to as many as we can.

Have you ever wondered how difficult it would be to live your life as a tight rope walker, always having to balance everything in fear that the slightest event would send you tumbling to the ground, or falling off your “rope?” At times, this is what it feels like in our home. For 9 years we lived our lives walking on a nice smooth surface, never fearing that one day everything would change to where our every movement set off ripples down the “rope of life” that we knew.

Balancing has been hard. For me (Steve), I have kept myself full of distractions, knowing that the more I did, the easier it would be to mask what was really happening inside my head. We have done so many things in Derek’s name, since his passing, to try to keep that balance there, in a household that is barely able to function at times. We live on the brink of disaster at times, and as we near Derek’s 1-year Angelversary, it will only get harder to keep that balance. In a house full of unexplainable and sometimes uncontrollable emotional rollercoasters, one sometimes wonders how you can keep sane, let alone make it through a day. And that is when we discover we have that balancer, our Empath.

Brandee absorbs all the emotions of our family, and somehow manages to make it through a day. She is truly the glue that holds us together. Without her, there is no way we make it through everything we have gone through as a family. At night we spend time talking about how we are going to make it through the next day. I know I have my distractions to keep me busy, but what does she have? She has a wonderful circle of friends and a community to help her through, but then everyone has their issues. But without Brandee, our “rope” would have snapped a long time ago and we would have tumbled to the ground. Perhaps that is why I know we will persevere through this, whether it be 5 years, 10 years, or 20 years down the road. Brandee will continue to keep us strong and help us through our darkest times.

 

Yesterday was Lucas’ birthday, which means Lucas is now older, in years spent on this earth, than Derek. It was a sad day on one hand, watching the pain in my wife’s eyes as she wept knowing this fact, but the celebration of Lucas was needed and wonderful. Friends and family joined us as we celebrated his borthday. Although we will still celebrate Derek’s birthday every year, it does bring sadness to know he will never celebrate another one here with his brother and sister. It’s funny, because Lucas joked, “He’d still say he is older dad. He’d say he is 10 1/2.” It’s true. Derek would have said that quite often and let Lucas know that even though they were both 10, he was still older.

This will be a year of firsts, and next year 2nds, etc. But this first year has been hard, We have been blessed with a community that has not turned it’s back, rather opened it’s arms to our family and their hearts as well. We are surrounded daily by people who just want to make sure things are going ok. In 2 weeks we will celebrate another birthday, Peyton’s, and I am sure the tears will flow again. Nothing can prepare you for the sadness. It comes and goes. The key is to remain focused on what we have to do daily to maintain an even keel on the emotional side. There are everyday reminders of Derek all around us. Songs, sights, smells, people reminding us of the little things that made him special. Those are the things that a grieving family needs.

In a week we will have another wonderful Act being done here, in Derek’s name, when Rob Deer, Michael Keith and Lisa and Lanny Schimmel bless the youth of our community with a free hitting camp. We will have so much going on out there that it will be a great time. There are so many people, AGAIN, from our community, volunteering time and money to make this happen. So many people are volunteering to bring food, drink, etc, to make this happen. Again, what a great tribute to our community. All of the proceeds from the t-shirt sales will go to Derek’s Memorial Scholarship Fund to reward some graduating seniors in our communities. What a wonderful way to give back.

Since Derek’s passing, I have tried hopelessly to find a way to talk or express my feelings. For my first blog entry, I don’t think the right option is to go all mushy, and let it all out. Instead, I think it would be better to tell those who are reading this, the back story of how this page came to be, and tell you the story of our community.

On August 4, 2013, our son Derek died tragically in an accident, 3 days before his 10th birthday. The next day, a fellow classmate of mine decided she was going to do a kind gesture, in Derek’s name, on his birthday, and suggested others do the same. Very quickly this turned into the Acts of Kindness For Derek movement on Facebook and on Twitter. Little did we know it would end up here.

But that was just the start of discovering our community. On August 6th a group of wonderful individuals organized a balloon launch for Derek in which 600+ balloons were launched. We are a community of 2500 people. There was so much love and support, you can find the pictures and videos from the event on our Facebook page and scattered on this page as well.

The outpouring of love and support from hundreds to thousands of people, to our family, has been constant since Derek’s passing. From the balloon launch, to the couple thousand people that came to his funeral, to the couple hundred people at his field dedication, to the 500 people who are going to the Brewers game on August 20th when we throw out the first pitch in Derek’s name. Everyone has just been great. The community has embraced the Random Acts of Kindness movement and that movement has spread to over 20 states and 11 countries. It’s not just Fennimore people sharing the love and spirit of Derek. It is people we have never been fortunate enough to meet, but have felt compelled to share this with others.

How do I define my community? When I wake up in the morning, I know I am where I am supposed to be. Even though the circumstances of me discovering my community are tragic, I have still come to know that our community is a blessed place to be. As I stated a week ago, my community is like a second family. They all look after me, they ask me how I am doing, and they go out of their way to make me feel better and take care of my needs. There is no place I would rather be than here.